Mr Warm and Fuzzy or Mr. Whine?

I'm not sure what acting school Ted Morton went to over the weekend, but this "Mr Warm and Fuzzy" character he has suddenly invented is about as convincing as another one of Meryl Streep's weepy performances.

I almost fell off the couch laughing when I saw his corny performance on the nightly news last night, flashing moral indignation at the first flurry of counterpunches from Jim Dinning in the Alberta PC leadership battle. There on my tv screen was Snortin' Morton trying to convince us he's truly hurt by Jim Dinning's sudden jabs at his archaic ideas. Brilliant performance, right down to the crocodile tears and sappy dose of moral indignation! Too bad it was so transparent you could poke through the act with a marshmallow.

Let me see if I've got this straight. Snortin' Mortin straps on the boxing gloves a couple of weeks ago 'cause the wizards in his corner tell him he's gonna get his butt kicked in this race. So he pulls on the 8oz gloves and takes a couple of personal swipes at Dinning. "The polls show I'm behind so I've got to do something to distinguish myself" he tells the pablum eating press. So Ted takes the first couple of shots and climbs up a couple of points in the polls. Fair enough, politics is a bloodsport and there are bound to be a few bruises.

But then Ted turns turtle and runs into the corner when Dinning steps into the centre of the ring and starts swinging back? Snortin' Morton sits whimpering in the corner and whining about how hard the other guy is starting to hit? Never mind "Snortin' Mortin", we should be calling him "Snivelling Morton" .

Not exactly the same Ted that has been snortin around the tory caucus like a bull in a china shop for the last two years. Suddenly he's the mild mannered victim of unfair slights from those meanies in the Dinning camp? Suddenly he's the white knight who's going to protect Albertans from the "backroom boys"? What, like Ezra and his gang play the game like "gentlemen"? Gimme a break.

Never mind your buzzwords about shaking up the status quo, boys. Fact of the matter is Ted wants to drag us all kicking and screaming back to the Bible Bill Aberhardt days. Sure, let's spend all of our time and energy tilting at windmills in Ottawa instead of stoking the fire on Canada's number one economy....NOT!

Let's flush a few million of my tax dollars down the toilet as Ted rails against gays and goes on a quixotic crusade through the courts. It's not like we've got better uses for that money like, oh, affordable housing or fixing health care!

Been there, done that, not interested anymore.

Advice to Teary-eye Ted and all of his troops. Quit yer whining about taking a couple of shots from Dinning. You started this boxing match and you can't cry about the other guy's counterpunches. If you've got a glass chin, throw in the towel and get out of the race. Otherwise, stand up and take it like a man.